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Published 05.05.2016 | Author : admin | Category : James Bauer What Men Secretly Want

There is, and has been, a lot of talk about relationship in informal education, social pedagogy and community learning and development.
Here we are going to explore what we mean by ‘relationship’, some particular features of the relationships involving informal educators, relationship as a catalyst and the facilitative qualities of relationship. It may include an exchange of ideas, skills, attitudes or values, or even the exchange of things – money, tools or food. To this extent, the cultivation of reciprocity, honesty and trust is less about building alien institutions and structures, than creating the conditions for their emergence.
Lastly, it is worth making the distinction between personal relationships and social relationships. Are both parties on terms of equality, are the benefits resulting from the relationship mutual? Is it a professional relationship, such as physician-patient, or non-professional, as between friend-friend? If we then consider these features with regard to educators (he looks at the casework relationship) then a number of interesting aspects appear. The caseworker and the client are fundamentally equal as human beings; but in the casework situation the caseworker is the helping person, while the client is the person receiving help. The fundamental purpose of the relationship lies in the fostering of learning in the group or the individual that the educator is working with. There is a strong degree of equality and mutuality involved in the relationship – it should be one where people encounter each other as subjects rather than the educator seeking to act upon the other as an object. A further, key, aspect of such helping or learning relationships is the extent to which transference’ may be present.
We mean a transference of feelings on to the person of the doctor, since we do not believe that the situation in the treatment could justify the development of such feelings.
In other words, in an educative relationship all sorts of things might be ‘placed upon’ educators. Helen Harris Perlman argues that what we call ‘relationship’ is ‘a catalyst, an enabling dynamism in the support, nurture, and freeing of people’s energies and motivations toward solving problems and using help’ (1979: 2). The emotional bond that unifies two (or more) people around some shared concern is charged with enabling, facilitative powers.
In an increasing anomic and depersonalised world, there may be potential humanizing value in even brief and task-focused encounters between one person and another. The fact that someone is prepared to ‘share’ our worries and concerns, to be with us when we are working at something can be very significant. Carl Rogers once wrote, ‘The facilitation of significant learning rests upon certain attitudinal qualities that exist in the personal relationship between facilitator and learner’(1990: 305). In this piece we have seen how relationship is both a medium through which informal educators work, and a state that they want to foster.
Informal educators should not just concerned with the way in which one individual relates to another, they should also look to group and the life of the association. Rogers (1967) ‘The interpersonal relationship in the facilitation of learning’ reprinted in H. The setup: you’re at the office browsing through your company’s intranet site and have found that the job of your dreams is available.
What is a relationship, and what special qualities are present in in community learning and development, informal education and social pedagogy? The ability to develop good and satisfying interpersonal relationships is seen as the main, or a major reason for fostering learning. Relationships ‘happen’ at all times, in all places, in all parts of society, and in all phases of the development of individuals.
However, we also need to recognize just how complex even apparently simple relationships such as buying and selling are.
They come into the world equipped with predispositions to learn how to cooperate, to discriminate the trustworthy from the treacherous, to commit themselves to be trustworthy, to earn good reputations, to exchange goods and information, and to divide labour… Far from being a universal feature of animal life, as Kropotkin believed, this instinctive cooperativeness is the very hallmark of humanity and what sets us apart from other animals. The former are relationships between two people ‘who cannot be exchanged without changing the nature of the relationship (Duck 1999: 124). Biestek (1961) in The Casework Relationship argues that while the many possible interpersonal relationships have similarities, each has its special features.
They usually are in a friend-friend relationship but not in the teacher-pupil or leader-follower relationship. It is present in the parent-child relationship but absent in the ticket-agent-traveller relationship. To rephrase Biestek (1961: 6), the educative relationship differs from others on a number of points. While there is some mutuality in the exchange – the educator may learn as well as the ‘learner’ – the fundamental focus of the exchange should be the learning of the student or participant.
In some teaching situations the interaction may be at an overtly intellectual level; in others an emotional component may be a necessary element for achieving the purpose of the relationship. It could be said, for example, that arguably most doctor-patient relationships are characterized by a fair degree of passivity on the part of the patient. Freud argued that transference lies at the core of the therapeutic relationship but it also can be a significant part of educative relationships. We suspect, upon the contrary, that the whole readiness for these feelings is derived from elsewhere, that they were already present in the patient and, upon the opportunity offered by the analytical treatment, are transferred on to the person of the doctor.

They may come to represent in some way someone else who is significant to the experience of the people they are working with.
Informal educators may be specially trained and paid to work with individuals and groups, or they may be an educator by virtue of the relationships they have.
The behaviour that is directed at us may well derive from the way people see and experience our role, rather than the people we are. An understanding, emphatic relationship contributes to a person’s sense of inner security and alliance with their peers.
It is not at all a substitute for the opportunities and material things people need in order to flourish.
There is another attitude that stands out in those who are successful in facilitating learning… I think of it as prizing the learner, prizing her feelings, her opinions, her person. A further element that establishes a climate for self-initiated experiential learning is emphatic understanding. It leaps into being like an electric current, or it emerges and develops cautiously when emotion is aroused by and invested in someone or something and that someone or something “connects back” responsively. Have you met the tenure requirements, if there are any?  Would you need approval from your manager to apply? Unless you have an openly (or suggestively) hostile relationship with your direct supervisor, I encourage having a conversation about how you would like your career path to proceed within the company prior to pursuing internal positions. This could be your direct coworkers or those already involved in the department of interest.
Do not assume that because you’re an internal candidate that you’re a shoe-in for the position. We suggest that the focus on learning, mutuality and the emotional bond between people are important features of the sorts of relationships that educators and animateurs like these are involved in. This has been one of the main themes lying behind many informal educators concern with social education.
By paying attention to the nature of the relationship between educators and learners, it is argued, we can make a significant difference. That connection may be something that we are born into, such as is the case with families, or it might arise out of a particular need. It differs from the parent-child relationship in that it is temporary, and the emotional content is not so deep and penetrating. A common mistake (and one that Biestek falls into) is thinking that teaching and educating are essentially intellectual. First, through the relationships people make they learn about the interests, issues or enthusiasms that have brought them together. However, we cannot get away with the fact that as educators we do have some areas of expertise. In therapy it entails patients placing ‘the intense feelings associated with parents and other authority figures’ onto the therapist (Tennant 1997: 23-4). Exploring how people see us educators may well give us some clues about people’s other relationships.
Parents, for example, often teach their children, or join with them in ‘learning’ conversations. In a community group we may get abused because we ask questions about the way money is being handled. However, in some working situations, such as in a school, club or project the relationship may exist over a number of years.
But it is an essential accompanying condition, ‘because it is the nourisher and mover of the human being’s wish and will to use the resources provided and the powers within himself to fulfil his personal and social-well-being’ (Perlman 1979: 11). When the facilitator is a real person, being what she is, entering into a relationship with the learner without presenting a front or a facade, she is much more likely to be effective. When the teacher has the ability to understand the student’s reactions from the inside, has a sensitive awareness of the way the process of education and learning seems to the student, then again the likelihood of significant learning is increased…. Here we might argue that in conversation, the task is not so much to enter and understand the other person, as to work for understanding and commitment.
And if you don’t have any current connections, you don’t have to wait until there’s an open position to form them. In particular, the quality of the relationship deeply influences the hopefulness required to remain curious and open to new experiences, and the capacity to see connections and discover meanings (Salzberger-Wittenberg et al. In contrast, social relationships are where ‘two partners in an interaction could be exchanged and the relationship would be the same’ (op. It is unlike a friend-friend relationship in that there is not quite the same degree of mutuality and equality.
Patients have to cooperate, but it is the skills and medicines of the doctor that do the curing (Biestek 1961: 6).
For example, an informal educator may encourage a group to take part in an ‘adventure weekend’. For informal educators this may well be around the process of learning, an appreciation of the nature of human relationships and human flourishing, and in some subject areas.
These questions can arise directly from our role with the group (as informal educators we are committed to certain valuese.g. Crucially, their valuing of us as people can help us to discover the worth in ourselves, and the belief that we can change things.

This means that the feelings that she is experiencing are available to her, available to her awareness, that she is able to live these feelings, be them, and able to communicate if appropriate. It is an acceptance of this other individual as a separate person, having worth in her own right. As Richard Bernstein once put it, it is important ‘to try and try again to foster and nurture those forms of communal life in which dialogue, conversation, phronesis, practical discourse, and judgment are concretely embodied in our everyday practices’ (Bernstein 1983: 229). Cathy Francois, of the APUS Career Services Blog, tells you how to apply for the job you want without hurting relationships with your peers.
You realize taking this position will require you to tell your manager.  Although you like your current job, you know in your heart that you’ll have greater satisfaction moving on and moving up, yet you don’t want to inspire any hard feelings. As Matt Ridley (1997: 249) put it, ‘Our minds have been built by selfish genes, but they have been built to be social, trustworthy and cooperative’.
In contrast, Biestek suggests, ‘In casework the client does more than merely cooperate; he is helped to help himself’. This is not to deny that our partners in the encounterdo not also come with expertise and understanding in particular areas. Educators, thus, have a particular role to play in creating environments in which powerful feelings of fear and pain can be contained. It means coming into a direct personal encounter with the learner, meeting her on a person-to-person basis. It is a basic trust – a belief that this other person is somehow fundamentally trustworthy… What we are describing is a prizing of the learner as an imperfect human being with many feelings, many potentialities.
Classic exploration with an opening chapter on the essence of the casework relationship and then a discussion of what Biestek sees as the seven principles of the casework relationship: individualization, purposeful expression of feelings, controlled emotional involvement, acceptance, non-judgemental attitude, client self-determination, confidentiality. What is interesting about this is that the two sides have different interests (buying and selling). Within the literature of lifelong learning and adult education, this theme is reproduced in discussions of self-direction.
Because of the relationship they have with the educator, the group is willing to try new activities. Informal educators may well try to create places of sanctuary, spaces where people feel safe. Many professional informal educators, for example, operate in settings where they have to work very hard at being recognized first and foremost as educators.
The facilitator’s prizing or acceptance of the learner is an operational expression of her essential confidence and trust in the capacity of the human organism. However, the core conditions that Carl Rogers identifies are a very helpful starting point for considering the attitude or orientation of informal educators in relationships.
Written by a group of writers attached to the Tavistock Clinic, the book examines the nature of the relationship between the student and the teacher and the emotions involved. The worker may also encourage them to reflectupon the experience and to gain new understandings.
One aspect of this is people having some sense that they are away from the things that cause them pain or concern.
Second, a significant part of the learning will be about the experience of relationships themselves.
Here they need educators and the other people in the setting to treat them with respect, to be tolerant, and to give them room. As such they may well be drawing upon an understanding of a role derived from social work or care management. If take our example further, it is quite likely that the educator will ask people to think about the relationships in the group (if they need any encouragement!) – how they work together and treat each other, who takes leadership roles and so on. An important feature of this is for educators to acknowledge people’s pain and difficulties, but not to push and prod. Sanctuary doesn’t involve sweeping issues under the carpet, but rather creating the conditions so that people can talk when they are ready. As George Goetschius and Joan Tash (1967: 137) again say, a relationship ‘may be verbal, emotional, physical or intellectual, and is often all of these’.
This often involves educators in treading a fine line between quietness and encouraging conversation.
They may well come to the group or the setting not recognizing it as an educational setting.
Often powerful feelings are contained because people feel they are with someone who is safe, who will not condemn them for the emotions they are experiencing or the things they have done.
For example, they may have wanted to take part in a particular activity or interest such as a sport or some sort of creative arts.
Deepening their abilities in football, say, may well be part of their agenda, but they may well not see the worker in the group as an educator.
As we will see below when we come to discuss Carl Rogers’ exploration of the core conditions for a helping or learning relationships the ‘realness’, ability to prize and accept, and capacity to appreciate what people may be feeling are of fundamental importance. The educator is seeking to establish themselves in that role – and they need that role to be accepted by others if they are to function.

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