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Published 25.05.2015 | Author : admin | Category : Things Guys Love

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When a person is controlled or manipulated by another (parent or spouse) who is affected with a pathological condition such as narcissism (self asborbed), alcoholism, or drug addiction, or is dependent on the needs of, or control of, another they are considered a codependent. The codependent in the relationship thinks “If the troubled spouse loves me enough they will change.” They become people pleasers with few boundaries and have a hard time saying no. Codependency can develop or exist wherever relationships (past or current) are love-deficient. Codependents have a tendency to get involved in abusive painful relationships with people who are unreliable and emotionally unavailable. We became a catalyst to the needs of those around us and in some ways our sense of self was entirely dissolved. Once you understand the pattern, you can break it; once the light bulb is turned on, it stays on and gets brighter, revealing more and more truth.
Attempting to protect a person from emotional pain or consequences of unhealthy behaviors, such as using drugs and alcohol.
Worrying about other people’s feelings so much that it has a direct effect on one’s own feelings.
The Christian Codependence Recovery Workbook  is an excellent read, from a Christian worldview,  to help codependents break free from bondage. In The Christian Codependence Recovery Workbook  we confronted the distorted patterns of codependence and faced the lies that held us back from seeing God, ourselves and others accurately. A House that Grace Built Moving Beyond Codependence to Embrace God’s Design for Love, Intimacy and Wholeness is another excellent workbook that leads us beyond codependence to discover a life empowered and led by our Creator.
God gave us all the resources necessary to rebuild and redesign a future that aligns with His established purposes. A House that Grace Built offers the blueprint of how God desires to grow us through His grace, redeem our human relationships and carry out our life calling. Allowing the process of true change and growth to be developed in and through us in our mind, emotions and decision-making capabilities. Oh, Robin, our awesome, amazing Abba Father has brought you and your message across my path…and I am so very grateful! As a man, husband and father, I concur that Robin has identified a minefield, buried within the church, families and our communities. We began innocently, joining a small rural fellowship, homeschooling, becoming back to the lander’s and a home based business. Id suggest the reason almost no one can go to their church though is because they are dysfunctional too, for many reasons. All this to say, have you weighed the collateral damage and embarrassment of going public against the damage of continuing to keep it in the family? Your kids might thank you someday for your courage, even if it meant turning a silent mess into a public mess. Now, after more than a decade, they are near the end of their rope, and getting desperate, even calling and dropping in on us. And our kids… well the two older girls remember the most and have painful, empty spaces in their history and present, but they have both forgiven, and areboth very strong, even if they are a bit long in the tooth.

Maybe consider taking the risky step of losing what you probably cant keep at the expense of not getting what you cant lose, that being the respect, trust and heart strings of your children.
The church may or may not be there for you, but somebody, somewhere will be, and do you care if its your favorite people? I could, like Robin, probably write a book on this, but they’ve been written already.
Many, many years later I have unravelled the maze and I now teach others how to take control of their minds. Ultimately the thinking patterns of the codependent partner is an additional problem in the relationship. Solving my partner’s problems or relieving their pain is the most important thing in my life – no matter what the emotional cost to me. I protect my partner from the consequences of their behavior, lie for them, cover up for them and never let others say anything bad about them. Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. When People Are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man by Edward T. However you put it, the fear of man can be summarized this way: We replace God with people.
It originally applied to spouses of alcoholics, however, they found that if you were raised in a dysfunctional family or suffer from shame ad feeling unworthy you are more than likely codependent. It also occurs when we look for something from the outside to fill the “inner void” on the inside. Unable to identify this pattern or the reasons behind it, we were caught in a viscous cycle of attempting to help, fix, change, and please others, while at the same time feeling empty, angry, disappointed, and disconnected. This next book will move beyond the lifestyle of codependence and self-sufficiency to embrace God’s plan for love, intimacy and wholeness. I am living a lie to protect the perfect image of a Christian family, while enduring abuse.
None of it would have been debilitating if the church dynamic hadn’t added fuel to the slowly diminishing fire of being rejected, self rejection and the inevitable rejection of others. Have you considered systematically revealing your dire straights to trusted folks at church,family, or even friends? Our 4 kids, after 13 yrs of my wife and I suddenly taking responsibility for our own trajectory, which included walking away (with tears, not anger) from my entire biological family and the church we had helped start and been part of for over 30 yrs. The two younger boys don’t remember anyone, but have grown up hearing tales of pain and distrust spoken openly, in the context of hope, love and forgiveness. Codependency is when you have such a need to feel needed that you actually benefit from a partner’s alcoholism, or mental illness.
Since that inner void can only be filled by God, a codependent unknowingly attempts to put a person, situation, or thing in God’s place. I believe this problem is widespread in the homeschool movement. I want to share some of the resources that have really helped me.

It also challenges you to engage in new relationship and love styles based on God’s truth and guiding principles. We were figuring it all out as our marriage rolled along but the ongoing and increasing dysfunction in the church kept dragging us back to ground zero. They may in fact not be able or equipped to deal with such openness, because it seems Christians are the best at forgiving behavior and attitudes that we shouldn’t, instead of confronting them. We had to make a statement, because to try to argue with them, or explain it to outsiders would have been to hand the bat to them instead of just get on with the healing. As my wife and I have slowly unlearned co-dependence, they have learned trust and caring for others, without losing their own responsibility to themselves and God. Before we get overwhelmed by that definition, recognize that by default all human beings do this.
Tending to the needs of someone else and looking after them satisfies a great unconscious need to be needed. Hoping this book will help strengthen me to let go of my pride and move forward in HIS strength. But actually being codependent often means treating the other person as a child who is not quite capable of looking after themselves or making their own decisions.
Certainly God is pleased when there is good communication and a mutual honor between spouses. But for many people, the desire for these things has roots in something that is far from God’s design for his image-bearers.
Unless you understand the biblical parameters of marital commitment, your spouse will become the one you fear.
This, at least in the United States, is the most popular way that the fear of other people is expressed. If self-esteem is a recurring theme for you, chances are that your life revolves around what others think. It means that the opinions of other people — especially their possible opinion that you are a failure — are able to control you. Or, to use biblical language, you exalt the opinions of others to the point where you are ruled by them. The answer is straightforward: We must learn to know that our God is more loving and more powerful than we ever imagined.
Even if we worked at the most spectacular of national parks, or the bush in our backyard started burning without being consumed, or Jesus appeared and wrestled a few rounds with us, we would not be guaranteed a persistent reverence of God.
Too often our mountain-top experiences are quickly overtaken by the clamor of the world, and God once again is diminished in our minds.

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