Codependent relationship counseling,how to make a website a favorite on ios 7 wallpaper,website to get free music downloads - For Begninners

Published 17.06.2014 | Author : admin | Category : What Do Women Want In A Man

Some of the things that I controlled in an effort to keep our marriage ok were his going out with friends, his drinking and hanging out at bars, his drug use, his access to our money…and so much more. So, you have seen some of the ways in which I tried to control our life in order to keep from going into crapville. In my realizing finally the depth of my controlling behaviors I forgive myself for all that I did wrong through control. Unhealthy CodependenceIn my opinion, unhealthy dependence can be defined as a relationship where one person is addicted to being needed by someone else. No one just wakes up one day, looks at her partner and thinks that his happiness is more important than her own. Unfortunately, codependency is an extremely difficult thing to change on your own because you're usually blind to it. In those 10 years I knew I was in control of many things like our children, our money our home…but I never realized just how much control I was trying to maintain over our life as a whole. I knew my husband liked to be out in those nightlife social settings and that made my skin crawl.
I was always afraid that if he had access to as much money as he wanted that he would waste it away.
Sure I met him as a marijuana smoker and I began smoking with him because it was a way for us to bond…it was our time together.
I thought, as a codependent, that if I could keep things under control there would be no problems.
Though I had good intentions, it was wrong of me to try to make anyone be something they were not even if I thought it was better for them. But what that sentiment actually refers to is codependency, defined as a relationship in which one person (or sometimes, both) loves the other to such a degree that they exclude their own needs, wants and desires."A small amount of codependency is normal," explains Tracy Prout, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at the College of Mount Saint Vincent in Riverdale, New York, and a therapist in private practice in Manhattan. I never controlled my husband, but I controlled the situations that made him feel he was being controlled.
Many times in our marriage he told me that if I didn’t give him sex he would find it somewhere else and there were times I found out he was trying to find it somewhere else.
He started lying more and hiding a TON of money from me while making me think we couldn’t even afford shoes for the kids.
I loved him so much and would have done anything for him that if there really were a bad side then I would have to stop loving him.
I ask him to forgive me for being blind to what I was doing and for stealing his freedom to be and do whatever he thought was best for him.


I was always afraid that a lesser side of him would come out if I didn’t keep the situations under control.
It caused him to feel totally controlled with no freedom to be and it caused me to feel I had to always worry and control with no freedom to just let things be. He became close with some not so great friends that weren’t headed down a good path in life. Read on to learn what you need to know about codependent relationships, how to figure out if you need help and where to find it. In a codependent relationship, one partner is unable to say no or set boundaries that keep the relationship mutually respectful (for example, one partner makes all the decisions about vacations). I knew he was a good man and a wonderful husband and father, but I always saw a side of him hidden under the surface that I was afraid to let out. That scared me so much that I had to just control the situation and not allow that side of him to come out and force me to choose to leave. I let it all go and I move into the future remembering all that I have done and the pain it has caused and the damaging effects it had on our whole family. As a result these now grownup children tend to be attracted to people who, they feel, need them.What Does a Codependent Relationship Look Like?
This dynamic can continue for quite some time, but eventually exhaustion and resentment build up to a point that even the codependent partner can't stand, says Dr.
I feared in a moment of temptation he would forget about his wife and kids waiting at home for him.
However, I also look at how strong I am now becoming and that I am breaking that codependency cycle with my children and hopefully teaching them to be something better. My husband has always been the kind of person who cared what others thought and just liked being social.
Hopefully they will never have to deal with the things I have dealt with because I broke that cycle. I started trying to go to these types of places with him and I found myself very uncomfortable. He started back into the internet porn and sex dating sites that had him trying to make contact with girls he didn’t know.
Though I know I can not control or change my husband I do still pray and hope that someday he will find it in himself to see where he has made some bad choices and that he too has a cycle to break.
He pulled away from me and his children and began to tell everyone lies about me to justify his leaving me and he even tried saying I kept the kids from him to justify his going out every night and not being there for his kids.


No matter what he chooses to be or do with his life, I am grateful for the time we had together, the children we have brought into the world and the lessons I now am learning as a result from our relationship.
I will always love him as someone who meant the world to me, but I also have discovered a new love for myself that will not settle for someone who isn’t what I want or need and who chooses to be something very different. I never got to go out and just spend money either, but just being the one who was in control of it began to put a strain on our marriage. Eventually, you end up living separate lives."Another unhealthy aspect of codependency is how it spills over into other areas of your life, adds Dr. I knew it was a gateway drug to bigger drugs and I didn’t want that to happen either. I never realized that what he really needed was time with friends outside of our marriage…as did I. Eventually I realized that if I just went and drank and danced we would have fun and he wouldn’t look at others. It worked for awhile, but now I realize I needed to trust him more and forget the things he said and just let him out in those places with friends and hope he stayed faithful. Then there was the issue of him wanting to be the good Mexican son and send money home to his mom. All these years I thought I was protecting us when in reality I was feeding into my codependency and a big crash was bound to happen.
Now all I can do is forgive myself, learn from it and move on accepting him for exactly who he has chosen to be. I didn’t want to feel like we were supporting her when we had a family of our own to support. So, my trying to control how often he could send it led to him sneaking and lying and telling them I just didn’t want him to send any. Smoking marijuana became our outlet that even though we usually did it together it actually pinned us against eachother. Had I let go of the money control sooner, maybe he wouldn’t have tried so hard to pin his mom and family against me.
If this is you, you may well be contributing to your alcoholica€™s or addicta€™s self-destructive behavior.



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